Kristen Bell told a story about what makes her husband attractive to her. Some listeners heard something very different. On the November 9 episode of Armchair Expert, actor and podcast host Dax Shepard pushed back on online comments describing him as “controlling” or “abusive” toward Bell. Those descriptions came from people discussing the couple online. Bell’s own remarks were about flirting.
What Kristen Bell said about flirting
Bell, an actress who married Shepard in 2013, described a moment readers might recognize from their own dates. When her husband goes out of his way to praise someone who has done a good job, she notices. As Bell put it, “that’s flirting with me because he just made someone else feel good.” In her telling, the person receiving the compliment and the person charmed by it were two different people.
How Shepard responded
Shepard said Bell was talking about gestures like leaving a generous tip or complimenting someone who rarely gets that kind of attention. He denied trying to pick people up in public. He also said it hurt to see strangers describe him in terms he associates with abusive men he knew growing up. He felt the speculation dismissed Bell’s ability to speak for herself.
A question worth taking back to your own relationship
What does your partner do for someone else that makes you fall for them a little more? Maybe it’s how they speak to a server when the order is wrong, or how they draw a quiet guest into a conversation. Bell’s answer was personal. Yours might surprise the person you’re dating. And if a particular interaction leaves you uncomfortable, describing exactly what happened gives you both something concrete to talk about.
Further reading · People’s reporting on Bell’s comments and Shepard’s response · Vulture’s account of the podcast discussion
